An excerpt from Chapter 19.
One of the things I appreciate most about Jesus is that He rarely allowed people to keep the conversation where they wanted it.
They wanted to debate. Jesus wanted to reveal the Father’s heart.
That’s exactly what happens as Matthew 19 opens.
The Pharisees approach Jesus with a question about divorce. On the surface it sounds sincere enough.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
But Matthew tells us they weren’t simply seeking wisdom. They were testing Him. Their question placed Jesus squarely in one of the biggest theological debates of His day.
Two respected rabbis had shaped much of Jewish thinking about marriage. Rabbi Hillel took a relatively permissive view, allowing divorce for almost any reason. Rabbi Shammai held a much stricter position, limiting divorce to serious moral failure.
In other words, they wanted to know, “Whose side are You on?”
Jesus surprised everyone. He chose neither. Instead, He took them somewhere neither side had begun.
The beginning.
God’s Original Design
Rather than debating the finer points of Deuteronomy, Jesus opened Genesis.
“Haven’t you read,” He asked, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’…?”
Then He quoted the familiar words: “The two will become one flesh.”
Before discussing divorce… Jesus talked about marriage.
Before addressing what had gone wrong… He reminded them of what God intended all along.
Marriage wasn’t merely a legal arrangement. It wasn’t simply a social contract. It was God’s idea. A husband and wife becoming one life together.
Then Jesus drew the obvious conclusion.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Notice what He does. The Pharisees are asking, “When can a marriage end?”
Jesus answers, “Let’s first remember why marriage exists.”
That shift changes everything.
The Pharisees press further. “If that’s true, why did Moses permit divorce?”
Now comes one of Matthew’s important buts.
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”
There’s the pivot. Moses wasn’t revealing God’s ideal. He was providing protection in a world where sin had already broken God’s ideal.
That’s an important distinction.
God’s commands often reveal His heart. Some of His provisions reveal His mercy toward people living in a fallen world.
Jesus gently but firmly redirects the conversation away from what had become permissible and back toward what had always been beautiful.
The question was never merely, “What can I get away with?”
The better question is, “What was God hoping to create?”
As a pastor, one of the greatest privileges I enjoyed over the years was officiating weddings. I never liked ceremonies that felt mechanical. I always preferred making them personal. Every couple stands at the altar believing love will carry them through whatever lies ahead.
Then, every once in a while, I’d share one of my favorite biblical buts. (And yes, during a wedding you want to be very clear that you’re talking about a big but with one “t.”)
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7, “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life…”
There’s an encouraging wedding verse for you! The congregation usually laughed. The bride and groom usually laughed too.
Then I’d remind them that Paul wasn’t discouraging marriage. He was encouraging realism.
Marriage is wonderful. It’s also hard. Two imperfect people spending a lifetime learning to love one another will inevitably experience disappointment, conflict, forgiveness, growth, and grace.
That’s not evidence something has gone wrong. That’s evidence two sinners are learning to become one.Jesus’ answer to the Pharisees carries that same realism. Marriage is precious precisely because God designed it to be permanent. It deserves far more thought than the culture around us often gives it.
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